Mawwiage

So here I was toiling away like a good little worker bee when all of a sudden the radio started playing all 4-one's "I can love you like that" and it took me back to Polk middle school and my 8th grade prom, and being sung this song by my friend's sister's boyfriend and laughing my ass off... I couldn't remember the guys name (David, Chris, Evan, Jose, Juan Paco?), I can see his face in my mind, (kind of... its been 12 years) but I do remember he proposed to me every day in 8th grade, and it got me thinking, I have been proposed to way too many times for a woman my age, and it made me wonder what about me elicits that action in people.

Too many separate people have proposed to me, and while only one (my husband) truly meant it (and he is the only one who didn't actually say "will you marry me" on bended knee), its sort of a strange quirk of life, that something in me makes men (well boys in most cases do this). I've just realized I probably sound like I'm bragging.... and that's not how it is meant at all, THESE PEOPLE HAD NO ROMANTIC INTEREST IN ME. One was gay, one was, as I said already in a middle school puppy love relationship, and one was just in fun. I just wonder is it normal for guys to do this, or is it an anomaly of my life? My mother said it had happened to her in high school, but my mom, unlike myself, was a Stone Cold Fox in high school.

Oh well, that is enough of that pondering for today, Now I can go back to my super healthy lunch of Cool Ranch Doritos and Pineapple Fanta, (a flavor combination I do not recommend. )  and going over post drafts that I may choose to finish.

The big ugly D word.

So a couple of my friends are getting divorced. I've noticed that divorce, and breakups seem to follow a trend like deaths, not that they come in threes, no its a little more complicated than that, they come in two's and one of them works it out before the decision is final.

Two couples are splitting. I don't feel close to either of them really, not because of any real reason, its just... I don't know, I rarely connect to people, I guard myself too much and most people are either intimidated by me when I find them interesting enough to reveal my true self or don't take the time to try when I don't. As a result I have few close friends and I am sort of a loner most of the time, and thats ok by me... but I'm getting off topic, my point is these people are divorcing and when friends get married or divorced, I think it sort of has an impact on the relationships around them.

In one of the cases, my husband is closer to them both than I am, and definitely closer to one party and I guess I am too, I have always felt more of a connection with this person than their spouse but either way its an awkward situation where I saw it coming once someone stepped back into their lives, but what do you say? "Watch out for that person, y'all are playing with fire?" I'm  not presumptuous enough to try and live someone's life for them, but all the same, now, I feel like maybe I could have done something.

I don't know what do do in this case... from my point of view one party is clearly more at fault than the other, but you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors and closed minds. I unwittingly reached out to the guiltier party last night (I didn't know yet what was going on) and I offered my ear and any help I can give, and afterward, I wanted to take it back. I don't want to choose sides, and it seems like I was tossing my hat in the ring for this person, when really, I just wanted to help them both.

My husband and I split at one point, and almost divorced. During that time I distanced myself from everyone he knew to save them the hassle of choosing, or so I told myself, but I think really I was trying to save myself from the mixed emotions I would have felt if they had reached out to me. I don't want to be a burden to either of these people, so I don't know how to move forward, but despite being a rather cold person, I am not going to leave anyone without  a quantum of solace if I can offer it... I am probably over thinking this, as I do everything.